What It Means to Be Weak
by xDare2Writex
Summary: Oneshot of all the things running through both Sinon and Kirito's minds as they are in the cave awaiting Death Gun. Rewrite of episode 10 "What It Means to Be Strong". Rated K. Cover by the talented RikuSempai. Kirito x Sinon Pairing. Please Rate and Review!


**What It Means to be Weak**

"If we just wait for the tournament to end, there's no telling just how many others he will point his gun at." Kirito says to her. "Oh." Sinon, the blue haired sniper says in reply, looking disappointed. _You really are strong_. Something she never is. But at least she was done hiding or being afraid or running away. At least now… she could die in peace. "I'll go outside and fight that man too." Kirito stares at this girl incredulously. "No, Sinon. If he shoots you, you really could die."

"I don't care if I die." She said back, with an air of determined apathy. She heard a sharp intake of breath from Kirito. But she really was dead serious. "Back there I was so scared… I was so scared of dying. I was weaker than five years ago. Pathetic. Screaming. I'd rather die than live like that." Kirito could only try to console her. "Of course you're scared… there is no one who isn't afraid to die." "

"I don't want to be scared. I'm tired of living in fear. I won't ask to come with you. I can fight on my own!" She says weakly, standing up and heading towards the cave entrance. His hand captured her wrist. "You'll fight alone and you'll die alone. Is that what you're trying to say?!" She wilted for a moment.

"Yeah. I think that's my fate. Let me go. I have to go!" She said, struggling against her desperate captor.

"You're wrong. No one dies alone. When someone dies, the part of them that lives inside someone else also dies." It was time to come clean and tell the honest truth. "You already live inside me." Kirito says softly.

"That's impossible. I've never given myself to anyone else." It was true too. Shino Asada had lived a life away from people, from anyone who could potentially hurt her.

Holding up her wrist, she notices his strong lithe hands that had attached so perfectly around her own arm. How annoying he was and yet… "We're already involved with one another!" He says, staring at her. Angered, she grabs the front of Kirito's jacket.

"Then-, then you protect me the rest of my life!" Tears stream down her face. She began to throw her arms at him, punching with meek gusto at the infuriating rival whom she grew ever confused about.

"You don't know anything! You can't do anything! Don't say that! This is my battle and no one else's! Even if I lose…even if I die… no one has the right to blame me." Her body shook with both sorrow and anger at his words. "Or will you carry that burden forever? Will you… will you… hold the hands of a murderer?!" She grimaced, holding her fist to her face. Before she knew it she was sobbing uncontrollably on this man, this man who she thought was her rival. He went to place his hand on her shoulder, but she wrenched it off herself. "I hate you so much!" she said aloud, knowing her words did not match her inner heart. _I think I love you._

"Then hold my hands forever!" She was staring right through him, cerulean eyes blazing. Kirito was speechless for once. He wracked his mind trying to think of what to say. She punched him more before slumping to the floor, utterly spent from crying. All he knew was that he couldn't control the furious woman in front of him anymore than he could control the _other one_. Just the way she was breaking down; there was something familiar about her desperation, and something a little mesmerizing about it too. A certain sniper had somehow touched his heart in a way that was different from the current women in his life. They were two of a kind, haunted by killing. _They were the same._

"I hate you but let me lean against you for a little while." Sinon asked, lowering herself onto his lap.

The scorching sand of the cave they were hiding in had slowly faded into a mellow cool wine. They must have been waiting there for hours, though it felt like only one heartbeat. He was aware of her light head, the feel of her strands of aqua hair upon his thigh through his dark clothes. It felt like they were burning a hole in the fabric, but he assumed this was just from the onslaught of feeling like the hunters-becoming-the-prey. They were opening up to one another, explaining Death Gun and his motivations. Sinon opened up about her personal reasons for joining GGO. Kirito listened.

"Kirito, tell me one thing. How did you overcome those memories?" Sinon asked urgently, releasing her head from his lap and placing her arms around his shoulders. "… how are you able to be so strong now?" Kirito could only defeatedly shake his head. "I haven't overcome them. Last night, I had a dream where I saw the three I killed over and over again. I could barely sleep. Their faces when their avatars disappeared… their voices, their words. I'll never be able to forget them." Sinon's face held a look of pure shock. "Then… what do I do?" She whispered aloud. He was feeling her pain. Kirito gently wrapped his hands around hers. "But Sinon, I think… that's necessary. I needed to accept what killing them meant, the weight and to keep thinking. Doing that is the bare minimum of atonement I can do."

She couldn't believe his words. Maybe for other strong people like him they could accept or release themselves from this pain, but she could _never_. "Accept? Keep thinking?" She shuddered hopelessly, taking her hands away from his, but settling back into his lap.

"Death Gun… whoever is wearing that cape is a real person, who actually exists aren't they?"

"Yeah." Kirito admitted. "If I knew their name from SAO we could find their true name and address. That's why I came here." He glanced down upon her form beside him. _Though meeting you wasn't part of that plan_ …

"Oh. Then he can't forget about SAO and he came to GGO because he wants to PK again?" She stated it so matter-of-fact. _Was it really just that simple?_ "I think it's more than that…. to show that he really can kill people in the game." Kirito had no idea how he was doing this, however. Neither did Sinon apparently. "But how is that possible?" She says, looking up at him. They debated theories as to how Death Gun was killing, but none seemed plausible.

"It's kind of strange." Kirito ventured. "Why did Death Gun use his rifle to shoot at me back there, rather than his handgun? If he used his handgun, he could've killed me." "Hmm. That's true." Sinon said, re-adjusting her head again, leaning forward further into his lap. Her legs sprawled straight out behind her. Glancing around her, Kirito couldn't help but notice her scantily clad booty. He looked at it with lust for a moment before decorum swooped in.

A thought popped into his head about Death Gun a second later. "I knew it. You can't really kill someone with a gun in a game." _After all, this wasn't that game_. "Just shooting them with a gun in the game wouldn't be enough." "What do you mean?" Sinon asked, downright curious. Kirito contended that whoever death Gun was, that he would need to have help and preparations in place, like finding out player's addresses from the tournament sign ups. In the distance, the shadowy figure of a lizard with two tails, drinking water from the cave's pond appeared.

"There are two Death Guns! Two of them!" Kirito realizes excitedly. Before he could think further, he becomes aware of Sinon's whole body leaning up into his, no longer on his lap. After hearing his explanation, she grabbed the front of his coat, shaking her head. "No way! Why would Death Gun do all that?"

"He must've wanted to keep being a red player. For example, part of me still remembers being a swordsman." He admits softly. "I kind of understand that." Sinon says. "Sometimes, I think to myself that I'm a sniper…"

"Sinon. Do you live alone?" Kirito asks gravely, placing his hands back on her shoulders. He doesn't want to disturb her but _they must_ form a game plan. Now.

"Y- yeah. But the door's locked though. I have an old electronic lock too. The chain… might not be locked. Sinon sighed defeated. "All right. Listen. Stay calm and listen." Outside, the sunset was blazing its swan song as the dusk rolled in. Soon enough it would be twilight, casting violet hues into their hiding place. "When he was firing at us from his robot horse, he was aiming at you. That means the preparations are complete." He said gravely. "Preparations? For what?" She asked. "Death Gun's partner is in your room right now, watching a video of the tournament and waiting for you to be shot." How he hated scaring her like this! Her two seafoam blue eyes glowed and narrowed in the dark. They looked terrified. It was all he could do, to hold her at arm's length and not try to comfort her any further like he wanted to.

She began to shake. "No! No… I can't…" The heart pounding fear, her greatest enemy, had swallowed her whole again. Her heart rate began to skyrocket. Kirito knew that could be fatal if she forced herself to log out and wake up prematurely in her apartment. He had to act, so he pulled her close. "No, Sinon! If you automatically wake up right now, you'll be in danger. You can do it. Calm yourself." She slumped into his tight gripped hug. "Until Death Gun shoots you, the intruder can't do anything to you. That's the rule they set for themselves… so for now calm down." He whispered in her ear soothingly.

"But… but… I'm scared! I'm scared!" In his arms she was finding her solace, though. He felt comfortable, like the teddy bear she had won at a carnival as a kid. His scent, she breathed it in deep. _He smelled so good_. Like sweet sweat and alertness. Kirito noticed her scent at the same time. Her hair smelled good too, like cool rain mixed with metallic gunpowder. Kirito began to stroke her hair and it felt like the only thing that mattered. For a moment, both of them were so lost in each other that Death Gun seemed like an illusion.

"Tell me what to do." She levelly said with a pause.

There were so many things they could do in this situation alone. It was a question that seemed to produce heat and silence.

"Defeat Death Gun." He said decidedly, hoping this was the only answer that he could give that wouldn't give him away. They began hatching a plan, hoping that the last remaining players won't throw a grenade into their hiding spot and KO them out of the tournament. They need to be the last survivors in order to defeat Death Gun.

"Um, that aside, Sinon…" He started, hoping the boldness would stay with him as he confessed, he was beginning to have _feelings_ for her… A beeping sound broke him from his thought process. Looking up, a round electronic camera smiled down upon them both. "Crap. I should have paid more attention." The blue haired girl says. "Um, what is that?" Kirito asks. "The live broadcast camera. Normally it only focuses on the battles, but there aren't many players left, so it came here."

Kirito felt his face burn. "That's bad! Our conversation…" "It's okay. It won't pick up voices unless you yell. Why not wave? Or is there someone you don't want seeing this?" She teased, hoping he would reassure her there was not. However, his reaction spelled quite the opposite. "Ahhhh. N-No. Well…" _Asuna_. Her name rang in his eardrums. "Wh- What about you? I think most people seeing this will assume we're both women." He covered.

"I-It's fine. I don't care. If a rumor goes around that I'm into that, it means fewer people will go after me." She did have a point. "So I have to keep pretending to be a girl?" He asks. Shortly after that, the camera abruptly disappears. They were alone once again.

"I don't want to die." Sinon said in a low voice. He had barely heard it. "You won't. I won't let you. We're going to defeat him, remember?" He said, and she nodded. His mouth was dry; his hands were holding hers. She was facing him, and he became aware just how close their faces were. He gulped.

"Sinon…" "Yes?" She said, as his lips caught hers in a lip lock. Her beautiful eyes widened in surprise. _Her mouth is so soft,_ He thought to himself. He deepened the kiss, and she reciprocated, even closing her eyes. They broke apart, and Kirito trailed a kiss or two on her nose and forehead. "Sinon. Sinon." Kirito whispered her name between kisses. She smiled warmly. He couldn't help himself. Sinon had become this part of his life that he needed. He wanted to protect her, keep her safe, and make her laugh. He wanted to be there for her.

Kirito wasn't stupid, these were feelings he'd felt before, for Asuna. Still, he realized with a start that now that Sinon was in his life, he didn't want her to leave. Kirito didn't know how he was going to explain this to Asuna. He wasn't sure he even wanted to. Maybe he didn't owe her anything this time, after all, what happened in SAO had died there with the game. In real life, they had been awkward acquaintances with maybe a crush on one another. In a few moments, he was heading into battle with Death Gun…he had to get his head right. But all he kept thinking was… _Sinon_.

She had been so very, very wrong; He wasn't strong after all. Kirito finally understood what it meant to be weak.

End.


End file.
